Listen to this, and tell me if you
think this is the word of God.
Do not eat any detestable thing. These are the animals you may eat: the ox, the sheep, the
goat, the deer, the gazelle, the roe deer,
the wild goat, the ibex, the antelope and the mountain sheep. You
may eat any animal that has a divided hoof and that chews the cud. However, of those
that chew the cud or that have a divided hoof you may not eat the camel, the
rabbit or the hyrax. Although they chew the cud, they do not have a divided
hoof; they are ceremonially unclean for you. The pig is also
unclean; although it has a divided hoof, it does not chew the cud. You are not
to eat their meat or touch their carcasses.
Of all the creatures living in the water of
the seas and the streams you may eat any that have fins and scales. But all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have
fins and scales—whether among all the swarming things or among all the other
living creatures in the water—you are to regard as unclean. And since you are to
regard them as unclean, you must not eat their meat; you must regard their
carcasses as unclean. Anything
living in the water that does not have fins and scales is to be regarded as
unclean by you.
These are the birds you are to regard as unclean
and not eat because they are unclean: the eagle, the vulture, the black
vulture, the
red kite, any kind of black kite, any
kind of raven, the horned owl, the screech owl, the
gull, any kind of hawk, the
little owl, the cormorant, the great owl, the
white owl, the desert owl, the osprey, the
stork, any kind of heron, the hoopoe and the bat.
All flying insects that walk on all fours are
to be regarded as unclean by you. There
are, however, some flying insects that walk on all fours that you may eat:
those that have jointed legs for hopping on the ground. Of these you may eat
any kind of locust, katydid, cricket or grasshopper. But all other flying insects that have four legs you are
to regard as unclean.
You will make yourselves unclean by these; whoever
touches their carcasses will be unclean till evening. Whoever picks up one
of their carcasses must wash their clothes, and they will be unclean till
evening.
Every animal that does not have a divided
hoof or that does not chew the cud is unclean for you; whoever touches the
carcass of any of them will be unclean. Of
all the animals that walk on all fours, those that walk on their paws are
unclean for you; whoever touches their carcasses will be unclean till evening. Anyone who picks up
their carcasses must wash their clothes, and they will be unclean till evening.
These animals are unclean for you.
Of the animals that move along the ground,
these are unclean for you: the weasel, the rat, any kind of great lizard, the gecko, the
monitor lizard, the wall lizard, the skink and the chameleon. Of all those that
move along the ground, these are unclean for you. Whoever touches them when
they are dead will be unclean till evening. When one of them dies
and falls on something, that article, whatever its use, will be unclean,
whether it is made of wood, cloth, hide or sackcloth. Put it in water; it will
be unclean till evening, and then it will be clean. If one of them falls
into a clay pot, everything in it will be unclean, and you must break the pot. Any food you are
allowed to eat that has come into contact with water from any such pot is
unclean, and any liquid that is drunk from such a pot is unclean. Anything that one of
their carcasses falls on becomes unclean; an oven or cooking pot must be broken
up. They are unclean, and you are to regard them as unclean. A spring, however, or
a cistern for collecting water remains clean, but anyone who touches one of
these carcasses is unclean. If a
carcass falls on any seeds that are to be planted, they remain clean. But
if water has been put on the seed and a carcass falls on it, it is unclean for
you.
If an animal that you are allowed to eat
dies, anyone who touches its carcass will be unclean till evening. Anyone who eats some
of its carcass must wash their clothes, and they will be unclean till evening.
Anyone who picks up the carcass must wash their clothes, and they will be
unclean till evening.
Every creature that moves along the ground is
to be regarded as unclean; it is not to be eaten. You are not to eat
any creature that moves along the ground, whether it moves on its belly or
walks on all fours or on many feet; it is unclean. Do not defile
yourselves by any of these creatures. Do not make yourselves unclean by means
of them or be made unclean by them. I am
the Lord your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy,
because I am holy. Do not make yourselves unclean by any creature that moves
along the ground.
These are the regulations concerning animals,
birds, every living thing that moves about in the water and every creature that
moves along the ground. You must distinguish
between the unclean and the clean, between living creatures that may be eaten
and those that may not be eaten.
Do not cook a young goat in its mother’s
milk.
Do not eat the tendon attached to the socket
of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon.
Everything that lives and moves about will be
food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.
But you must not eat meat that has its
lifeblood still in it. And for your
lifeblood I will surely demand an accounting. I will demand an accounting from
every animal. And from each human being, too, I will demand an accounting for
the life of another human being.
Do not plant your field with two kinds of
seed.
When you enter the land and plant any kind of
fruit tree, regard its fruit as forbidden. For three years you are to consider
it forbidden; it must not be eaten. In
the fourth year all its fruit will be holy, an offering of praise to the Lord. But in the fifth year
you may eat its fruit. In this way your harvest will be increased.
…The
hyrax is a giant rat. It can get to be 10-15 pounds. Most of them are extinct.
So somebody was eating those bad boys. Tastes just like chicken!
A
hoopoe is a truly stupid looking bird that looks like an orange pencil at one
end and a zebra at the other; it hollers “Hoopoe Hoopoe!” all the live-long day
and richly deserves to be killed and eaten for that reason.
A
skink is a truly ugly lizard with a blue tongue. I don’t think any man or
animal has ever eaten one. Ever.
My
point being, The Lord allegedly went into that kind of detail on menu items
when handing down his laws. And then went into excruciating detail about all
the stuff the Jews had to do for their priests -- build the beautiful temple,
give the priests tons of meat every week. And then "He" said nothing
at all about marriage between one man and one woman. Possibly because all of
his followers practiced polygamy.
